I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
