you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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