This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
