We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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