dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
