thus making me awesome and them whores
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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