I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
