I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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