Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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