the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
