Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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