That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
