I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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