so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
