Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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