honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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