normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
