i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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