We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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