Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
