I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
