does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
