I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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