I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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