My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
