Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
