i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
