pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
