A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Of course I have a pirate flag
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
