I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
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The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
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He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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