marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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