hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
nutella sex= disaster
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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