Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
