Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
