Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
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I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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