Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize