We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
