i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
