i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
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I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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