She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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