is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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