I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
