Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
