Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
