I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
