I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We left an ass print on the piano.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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