Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
