so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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