hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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