I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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