I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
