How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
