i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
