i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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