hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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