Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
