well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
