No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
