I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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