she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
