So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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