Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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