So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
