Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
